I am going to share with you something that I have felt God calling me to do but it has not be the right timing. Today was a big day. I broke. First time in a very long time I broke into such a rage that the body tremors lasted almost half a day. God made me very different than my family. Like most of the population I came from what would be considered a “broken home”. Divorced parents and of course each of them having their crazy to deal with. We all have our faults, I found no reason to speak about them. As I get older and the more I know and understand God the more I see. The more you see the more you understand. The more you understand your tolerance level for BS you take. my first conversation with God was at the age of 4. I would sneak off into the second living room we had and just talk with Him for hours. Once taking the pennies I had and holding them up to ceiling telling Him to take it. Not realizing that what I was doing was Biblical. I was more open to Him at the age of 4 than anyone else in my family combined. Over the years I have strayed and come back to Jesus as different milestones happened. My parents divorce made me the most committed to the church I was attending until I started dating my ex husband whom had literally forced me to choose between him and God at one point. I fell away from God for many years to find my life empty and meaningless. A brand new baby and move to Texas and I came running back to God with tenacity and famished hunger. I divorced my ex husband and slipped up here and there but you can never un-know things. By this point, I could never not hear God I could only choose whether to obey Him or not. So 1 surprise pregnancy at the same time of a bad break up and I choose to become extremely devoted to Him once again. A series of divine events took place. I randomly met Shane, I had a string of jobs each better than the last, my first and worst car accident where I was at fault quickly followed by a second. My newest chiropractor hired me on the spot as he was adjusting me from my accident. Shane taught me so much but he was battling his own demons and God brought him home sooner rather than later. Soon after I met my now fiance who was a patient in the Dr. office I was managing. At first he was my business partner and closest mentor, then it developed into us being inseparable. There hasn’t been a day since we started this adventure where we haven’t been together. The more you seek Him and understand Him the faster He moves in your life. This is so crazy, My original content of this post was entirely something else, this must be for someone reading this. I was going to explain what happened today to cause me to break but God wanted something else to come out. When you understand that you as a human can never ever be good enough to deserve God to be good to you, and you accept Him for the almighty God He is, then will you see just how quickly He moves on your behalf. Even if it seems bad at the time. (Romans 8:28) I want to know God so intimately, because of that He moved me to where I wanted to be and He needed me to be within a year. I recently have been adjusting to the few businesses we now have and the blending of the families while dealing with the negativity of the outside world. By His grace and mercy with me I am still standing and alive. Today I was deeply seeded with feelings and thought that what I feel now and what I am dealing with is to prep me for the task He has assigned me for my future. Moses had to live in the wilderness of the desert and learn how to survive first before he could lead a population through it. (Exodus 2:1-15) The faster you understand there is absolutely nothing you can do to be good enough or to “make” God do the thing you are praying for, the faster you’ll see Him taking you from where you are to where you never thought you’d be. Trust Him fully to not worry or have fear. This is piggy backing off what I was saying yesterday. Obey Him when you hear Him or discern His will. I lost many years of my life that I wish I could take back and give to Him. This life is so much better. I mean a thrill and joy and excitement beyond any amount of partying a person can have. Never feeling alone or unloved, even when you have been pushed to breaking point and sitting in your walk in closet bursting into a hard cry because you know the gravity of what you just had to do to fight for your family and their equality. Or that one time you where fully aware that you where overdosed and had to pray to God your heart didn’t explode. Guys I’m telling you I have pretty much been through it all. Not once did God ever leave me, He was merciful enough to not let me die that way. For sure would have not been in Heaven. He loved me enough to pick me up and clean me off and give me value and meaning and most of all PURPOSE. I am going to do something I have never done before. I am going to give all of you my email address. I encourage you guys to ask me questions about Jesus, just have conversations, if you just need to talk, to ask for prayers, etc. My email is PerfectPersonForTheJob@gmail.com I look forward to connecting with you guys!!!
Today I had some realizations. God is so good to give understanding in kindness and love. I was listening to a sermon when I was prompted with the question at what point do you trust anything that is you??? The Bible states that the heart deceives and we are to never lean on our own understanding. From the tongue comes the the true heart, yet the tongue tells lies. The Word of God states that it is better to cut of the hand if it is in sin. Now that doesn’t mean chop off body parts, it means that it is better to go without than to sin. We are to do only TWO things, OBEY God and to TRUST Him. There is nothing that can hurt, destroy, upset, or bind you when you simply do these two things. I recently lost my fiance, and since I have had many heartbreaks and disappointment in my life and since Shane was taken home to Heaven. Create the habits that exude TRUST and OBEDIENCE to God. Stay humble and broken before God. He seems to keep bringing me back to this point over and over. No matter your status, no matter your position in life God can keep you humble in so many ways. I find that the more He stands strong with me, the more things I realize He is humbling me. God is so good. Life with Him is a choice. You have only ONE free will in this life. TO FOLLOW JESUS OR NOT. Subsequently, every choice after that falls only under one of these two categories. Nothing about you is for you. Your entire body can deceive you and trick you. That is why we must TRUST and OBEY on God MORE than you want to have something, or do something, or give up, or cave in, or breakdown.
In humility I bow, because Your love comes wave after wave. Crashing over me crashing over me. You are for us, You are not against us. Champion of Heaven You made a way for all to enter in. You make me Brave. You make me Brave. You call me out beyond the shore into the waves. You make me brave, no fear can hinder now the promises You made a way. You make me brave, You make me brave.
God I love You, I worship You Jesus with all that I have inside of me. Every single beat of my heart, breath in my lungs, and fiber of my being belongs to You. I thank You for Your provisions and care, and the grace and mercy and love you show me daily. Without You I am nothing. I need You every second of the day and night until You take me home. Thank You Jesus, thank You Father, thank You Holy Spirit. In Jesus Holy and Precious name, AMEN!
Every day God has revealed Himself to me, REGARDLESS of myself. No matter my struggles. It’s AWESOME when you realize the AWESOMENESS of God. I’ve have been over the top, busting at the seems excited nonstop for days now. Not just because of things in my life but things in other’s lives too. Watching God just move with favor and blessings. Jesus, is just AWESOME. I cannot contain myself. I just can’t. I talk to everyone that has ears around me about Jesus. Because He is the only reason that my heart is full. First love and seek God before anything or anyone else. KEY TO LIFE. God is one of order. You cannot be out of order with your spirit and Jesus and expect your life to be in order. You cannot assume that you are the exception. And it’s so EASY. FIRST comes God, THEN comes marriage, maybe followed by a baby or 2. OBEDIENCE is BETTER than sacrifice. Sometimes God’s will calls you to be obedient by sacrificing. Understanding that God is absolute and forever and never changing. That His Word never returns void. Trust in God because He IS God. Obey God because He IS God. And worship God. ….. because He is God!