I am going to share with you something that I have felt God calling me to do but it has not be the right timing. Today was a big day. I broke. First time in a very long time I broke into such a rage that the body tremors lasted almost half a day. God made me very different than my family. Like most of the population I came from what would be considered a “broken home”. Divorced parents and of course each of them having their crazy to deal with. We all have our faults, I found no reason to speak about them. As I get older and the more I know and understand God the more I see. The more you see the more you understand. The more you understand your tolerance level for BS you take. my first conversation with God was at the age of 4. I would sneak off into the second living room we had and just talk with Him for hours. Once taking the pennies I had and holding them up to ceiling telling Him to take it. Not realizing that what I was doing was Biblical. I was more open to Him at the age of 4 than anyone else in my family combined. Over the years I have strayed and come back to Jesus as different milestones happened. My parents divorce made me the most committed to the church I was attending until I started dating my ex husband whom had literally forced me to choose between him and God at one point. I fell away from God for many years to find my life empty and meaningless. A brand new baby and move to Texas and I came running back to God with tenacity and famished hunger. I divorced my ex husband and slipped up here and there but you can never un-know things. By this point, I could never not hear God I could only choose whether to obey Him or not. So 1 surprise pregnancy at the same time of a bad break up and I choose to become extremely devoted to Him once again. A series of divine events took place. I randomly met Shane, I had a string of jobs each better than the last, my first and worst car accident where I was at fault quickly followed by a second. My newest chiropractor hired me on the spot as he was adjusting me from my accident. Shane taught me so much but he was battling his own demons and God brought him home sooner rather than later. Soon after I met my now fiance who was a patient in the Dr. office I was managing. At first he was my business partner and closest mentor, then it developed into us being inseparable. There hasn’t been a day since we started this adventure where we haven’t been together. The more you seek Him and understand Him the faster He moves in your life. This is so crazy, My original content of this post was entirely something else, this must be for someone reading this. I was going to explain what happened today to cause me to break but God wanted something else to come out. When you understand that you as a human can never ever be good enough to deserve God to be good to you, and you accept Him for the almighty God He is, then will you see just how quickly He moves on your behalf. Even if it seems bad at the time. (Romans 8:28) I want to know God so intimately, because of that He moved me to where I wanted to be and He needed me to be within a year. I recently have been adjusting to the few businesses we now have and the blending of the families while dealing with the negativity of the outside world. By His grace and mercy with me I am still standing and alive. Today I was deeply seeded with feelings and thought that what I feel now and what I am dealing with is to prep me for the task He has assigned me for my future. Moses had to live in the wilderness of the desert and learn how to survive first before he could lead a population through it. (Exodus 2:1-15) The faster you understand there is absolutely nothing you can do to be good enough or to “make” God do the thing you are praying for, the faster you’ll see Him taking you from where you are to where you never thought you’d be. Trust Him fully to not worry or have fear. This is piggy backing off what I was saying yesterday. Obey Him when you hear Him or discern His will. I lost many years of my life that I wish I could take back and give to Him. This life is so much better. I mean a thrill and joy and excitement beyond any amount of partying a person can have. Never feeling alone or unloved, even when you have been pushed to breaking point and sitting in your walk in closet bursting into a hard cry because you know the gravity of what you just had to do to fight for your family and their equality. Or that one time you where fully aware that you where overdosed and had to pray to God your heart didn’t explode. Guys I’m telling you I have pretty much been through it all. Not once did God ever leave me, He was merciful enough to not let me die that way. For sure would have not been in Heaven. He loved me enough to pick me up and clean me off and give me value and meaning and most of all PURPOSE. I am going to do something I have never done before. I am going to give all of you my email address. I encourage you guys to ask me questions about Jesus, just have conversations, if you just need to talk, to ask for prayers, etc. My email is PerfectPersonForTheJob@gmail.com I look forward to connecting with you guys!!!
God is an awesome God, He reigns over Heaven and earth with wisdom, power, and love. Our God is am awesome God!!
I lay here tired but can’t sleep. This my nightly fight. Waiting for sleep to befriend me. As I lay in the dark, my eyes sting with exhaustion, I pray with an overwhelmed heart, brimming with humbled thanks to Jesus. I am so thankful for my life, my children, my man, and for the many many blessings of God. Every night I feel just how small I am on this earth yet just how much God’s love abounds in my life. I daily fight my flesh. The last few weeks I’ve been fighting off infection and have been quite sluggish and lazy. It was yesterday that I realized that this was a sneaky attack of the enemy slowing the progress of my business and shadowing my leadership. Yet every night, I lay awake in my mind as my physical body is beyond tired thinking about the wondrous and glorious blessings and gifts God has given me. The thing I learned the most from Shane’s death was that time is the most valued commodity we have. God is so good that He allows me to breath, for my heart to beat, and gives me sound mind. My children are safe, alive, and well. My Husband to be its absolutely amazing. God has blessed me with things I sought after and more. I recognize that I am with His favor to even live in this Era or even with this freedom to own a business that is centered around Him. Helping as many ppl as I can save and make money from home. God is in every fiber of my life the good and bad. Yet, nothing is truly bad for a child of God. God took what was tragic and flipped it into something even greater than I ever thought possible. When I think back over my lifetime I can clearly see Him guiding and leading the steps of life even in the valley’s.
There’s do much always going on. Pretty crazy stuff. This morning I was so locked into Creflo Dollar it was just amazing. And refreshing to have a Word from God be so accurate. You know, even in my faults God’s love abounds. Seriously, it was swift and exact to a thought I was having no more than an hour before I watched his sermon. Not even just that, things I was thinking over the past few weeks. I found myself caught in this cycle of trying to “work” my way into blessings. I’m not praying enough, I’m not studying enough, I’m not taking about Him enough, etc. Therefore, I’m not seeing the results a really want. Hey guys, I’m there but not all the way there. I get suckered into the easy lies of the enemy. Distraction is the biggest tool of the enemy. Turning what is good into a sinful cycle, restraining progress. This doesn’t negate the fact that in order to have a full life of abundance you must do 3 things. Trust God, Obey Him, and Worship Him. To do these things you have to study His Word, seek His presence, and share the Good News of Jesus. So, YOU ARE ENOUGH!! And that doesn’t mean that if there are areas you are slacking in it absolutely doesn’t mean that God isn’t with you or hearing you. Just…. get out of your way and let go of the steering wheel.
To fight through failure…
First you have to acknowledge you failed.
Separation anxiety…… we all have some form of this. Parent’s to their children, memorabilia, collections, etc. At what point is it too much? I personally have direct conflict with “collecting” or “holding onto” stuff. I do not have any qualms with giving away things or throwing things away. For example, there is no need for 35 pairs of underwear and 70 under shirts. Another example; with my kids I keep 2, tops 3, things per school year. I still have strong dislike to holding things more than 3 or 4 years. At some point when does this become hording? I grew up with when a new thing comes in an old thing goes out. Yet, my mom has a legit fear of never having enough food, so in her pantry was multiples of particular items. So much so that canned and boxed things would be expired for years before one of us kids could get it in the trash. Yet getting rid of things is traumatic and usually ends up in a fight. I just hate clutter and seeing things unused just taking up space… which brings me back to clutter. Can be the most frustrating thing….. to be taking things out while someone brings things in. i am trying to find a balance with this move. And I find myself keep coming back to the questions, is it me? Can I change? Too fast too soon? Am I being accommodating to everyone’s feelings? Merging families, with semi opposites is proving to be challenging. That is also what makes it exciting.
I get super frustrated with many things. I am going to keep it real with you guys. An unorganized house is one of them. I mean rip my hair out, bite someone’s heads off, screaming meltdown inside of me happens. That is what happens inside of me when I see junk mail on the counters (aka trash) or dishes in the sink. I literally rage inside when others just walk by messes or half finish projects. I keep my cool and just get to work. I cannot rest even if I am laying down if I know that I haven’t completed a task even if my body and mind are so tired I choose to finish it the next day, I have a restless sleepless night. I was raised on the grounds see something needed to get done …. just do it. I am working on ingraining this into my children as I raise them. It has been the most beneficial in every aspect of my life. Most of all in business. My youngest is 2, and he is much like me in many ways. He needs to be matching all the time. He gets super frustrated when things aren’t up to standard for him. He compartmentalizes things….. everything has a place. Sometimes, things aren’t right unless I do them. he is the same way about a few things now. I do love his way of things though. He will do very well in business, law, or medicine if he chooses. My oldest is 10 and she is the exact opposite. She is learning quickly through chores that she cannot just be a hot mess. I do love her extremely girly ways and how she is open and will speak her mind. Now, take our very tough personalities and quickly merge them with semi opposite personalities. Pray with me for balance and peace. Don’t get things twisted. I love my life. I love my guy and our 5 kids (I have 2 he has 3). I love my business and helping others, but until the move is complete and everything is in it’s place I will still battle my inner flip outs.
Few topics come to mind to me mostly very late night or early morning. Not this one, I actually read someones post about reality. The host of the post stated he was going to keep it real, he doesn’t travel every other week or take vacations. He didn’t buy anything that he really wanted but only needed. I thought how many people never actually LIVE life. The fact that most are groomed to live as a slave to their jobs or business from childhood is sickening. My 10 year old daughter is literally pulling 9 to 5 in the 4th grade. THAT IS RIDICULOUS!!!! Needless to say things are changing in my household. What’s the reality? If you aren’t making money while you sleep, you aren’t living…… your working to live. I was taught how to do 1 time work for LIFETIME payment. I now love teaching others how to do this. Even on the smallest scales, what would an extra $100 a month automatically hitting your bank account do for you? What if you had $1,500 a month before getting out of bed? My greatest delight now-a-days is showing others how to do this while helping people. Best of all, working hours are at my leisure. I have never had so much fun, making so much money, helping others along the way!
I wanted to tell you guys about something that God gave me the other day. First, when you have a thought that isn’t of your own accord that is God speaking. Allow me to begin with that, because my thought process at that time was far from what God had given me. Honestly, I was frustrated and mad at something to do with the kids when BOOM there was a “random” thought. I always know when it’s God because it will pertain to something I had thought previously , sometimes by many years, or had never spoken about before. When I get upset I tend to clean. There I was, going over the whatever had just happened with one of the kids over and over in my mind. A bit angrily scrubbing the counters in the kitchen, when God placed this thought in my mind;
We have already been given the POWER and AUTHORITY to preform signs and wonders (Luke 10:19, Matthew 28:18)
This was a statement to something I knock around in my mind often for many many many years. usually the question “When” and “How” are the predominant questions I think about doing what Jesus did. I also used to think maybe we aren’t close enough to God. How close to God would one have to be to preform like Jesus did here on the earth? Was there anyone “good” enough to be worthy to raise the dead? Heal the sick? ETC. …. These are the thoughts that rolled around in my mind for close to ten years now. I always thought I will be one God uses in such ways one day. When I know the Word better or by heart? When I never forget to pray? When I stop life from distracting me? This brings me to mindset. Like have the keys to the car of your dreams in your hand but you feel like you don’t deserve to drive it. Or you keep it right where it is so that you don’t risk crashing it. Or you think the keys go to an entirely different car all together. We have been given in our hands the POWER and AUTHORITY to not know every scripture of the Bible and still walk up to a paraplegic and in the name of JESUS tell them to get up and walk!!! Understanding this and KNOWING without DOUBT that you have every right and authority to command the lame to walk is the key. Matthew 21:21 Jesus says it plain as day. If you tell a mountain to move from here to there with NO doubt it will move. 1 Corinth 13:2 also speaks of faith without doubt. I’ll go a bit more in depth about this scripture later, but for now. I say don’t be afraid to step out undoubtedly in faith and allow God to do the miraculous through you!!! To be like Jesus, you must DO as Jesus DID while He was on this earth!
Helloooooo you guys!!! I must say if I was looking at you I would most definitely say “you’re a sight for sore eyes” !!! I have been thinking about posting again multiple times a day for a long while now. Things have been so busy and many major changes have been made. I am truly finding out what I am made of. In all my busy fluster I have limited my time spent with God. I feel it drastically in my life. Like going through withdraws. I am taking things to the next level with my guy. Blending of families isn’t easy. My drive to succeed with my business has tapered over the month of Dec. but I am proud to say I am kicking up into gear again. I am reminded of Proverb 3 : 1 -12
My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: 2 For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee. 3 Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: 4 So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil. 8It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. 9 Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the first fruits of all thine increase: 10 So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine. 11 My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: 12 For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.
I trust the guidance of God. Though, I have acted upon my own accord in some accounts. Being impatient for things God had not told me no on but simply to wait. Obedience is better than sacrifice. (1 Samuel 15:22) I have been given many topics to touch base on. I have written none of them down. I pray I remember them all as I continue to share my journey with you. There is something that changes not just in you but it’s the way of God when you physically put pen to paper. Make sure you take note to the thoughts and conversations God has for you.
I miss you guys!!!! I have been having many mini messages throughout the day …. then I think, wow this would make an awesome blog. Then I run out of time in my day or I get distracted. I think that many people are like the Israelites that where still mentally trapped in their mind as a state of slavery. People as a whole are bound by ignoragnce, class status, lables from society. Even when they have been set to another path, at least it seems that way. Have you heard about the “radicals” protesting and mobbing the streets of America? Such cry babies!!! There has never been an outburst so vexing to a population during an elecoral win that I know in of in the USA. Like a child punished by a parent, there is nothing that we can do about it the fact that it happened. I would like to point out scripturally that God is not just in control of ALL THINGS, but I had a serious concern for Clinton coming into office. She stood behind the next world war. I don’t believe many know that….. or choose to believe it. Genesis 12:3, 49:9 and Numbers 24:9 all speak of those who curse Israel God will curse. We were lead as a nation by Obama to be the recipient of that when he broke the treaty with Israel stating to Iran that we would not come to their aid if Iran waged war to Israel. Secretly backed by none other than Clinton. God mercifully saved us and allotted us more time to get right with Him by putting Trump into office. I personally rather have a business tycoon that is finding Jesus more in his life and following Him than anyone else. Revelation 13 pictates in detail the dragon of the sea with feet like a bear and mouth of a lion. When Russia decided (unofficially) to come to the aid of Syria and then join forces with China…… guys we were headed to it quick. As a nation we deserved that actually. God is good AT ALL TIMES. These people out there blocking the streets and looting and committing violence to others. Or finally letting their true colors out and threatening those of other races. Well….. using the election to show your evil is a sad twisted way of proving exactly why Trump was elected. To think that Trump will stand behind you because of your outburst or warped mindset I say this…… NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS. HAHAHAHA you honestly think an INTERNATIONAL BILLIONAIRE believes these white supremacy crap is what he is about?!?!?!? OUT OF YOUR EVER LIVING MIND! No way… he would have never gotten where he is in life if he was. You think he is going to lead that way??? Trump is a secret christian. At least a growing one. Rough edges and a tough past…. we as a whole, we need exactly that!! Like an unrulely child that has strict parents. It’s necessary to keep them on a straight path. We as a nation are the prodigal son. We’ve left a good place…. got cocky and egotistical…. prideful and frankly soft. We whine when we don’t agree and throw tantrums when we don’t get our way. Frankly it is stomach wrenching to even watch or hear about. I skip over the terrible crap on my news feeds and don’t ever watch the news now. The world is watching us act this way, and quite directly as a nation we are showing our @**. GROW UP!!! When 70% of the protesters AREN’T EVEN REGISTERED TO VOTE?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Shut up and sit down weak links!!! To make a real difference actually take the steps needed to make the difference you seek. I suggest going into your house and not leaving for days and study hard the Word of God AKA the BIBLE!!! Only then will there be more understanding of not only how our government opperates but I know you’ll understand the God has given us the gift of time….. to come back to Him.