I am going to share with you something that I have felt God calling me to do but it has not be the right timing. Today was a big day. I broke. First time in a very long time I broke into such a rage that the body tremors lasted almost half a day. God made me very different than my family. Like most of the population I came from what would be considered a “broken home”. Divorced parents and of course each of them having their crazy to deal with. We all have our faults, I found no reason to speak about them. As I get older and the more I know and understand God the more I see. The more you see the more you understand. The more you understand your tolerance level for BS you take. my first conversation with God was at the age of 4. I would sneak off into the second living room we had and just talk with Him for hours. Once taking the pennies I had and holding them up to ceiling telling Him to take it. Not realizing that what I was doing was Biblical. I was more open to Him at the age of 4 than anyone else in my family combined. Over the years I have strayed and come back to Jesus as different milestones happened. My parents divorce made me the most committed to the church I was attending until I started dating my ex husband whom had literally forced me to choose between him and God at one point. I fell away from God for many years to find my life empty and meaningless. A brand new baby and move to Texas and I came running back to God with tenacity and famished hunger. I divorced my ex husband and slipped up here and there but you can never un-know things. By this point, I could never not hear God I could only choose whether to obey Him or not. So 1 surprise pregnancy at the same time of a bad break up and I choose to become extremely devoted to Him once again. A series of divine events took place. I randomly met Shane, I had a string of jobs each better than the last, my first and worst car accident where I was at fault quickly followed by a second. My newest chiropractor hired me on the spot as he was adjusting me from my accident. Shane taught me so much but he was battling his own demons and God brought him home sooner rather than later. Soon after I met my now fiance who was a patient in the Dr. office I was managing. At first he was my business partner and closest mentor, then it developed into us being inseparable. There hasn’t been a day since we started this adventure where we haven’t been together. The more you seek Him and understand Him the faster He moves in your life. This is so crazy, My original content of this post was entirely something else, this must be for someone reading this. I was going to explain what happened today to cause me to break but God wanted something else to come out. When you understand that you as a human can never ever be good enough to deserve God to be good to you, and you accept Him for the almighty God He is, then will you see just how quickly He moves on your behalf. Even if it seems bad at the time. (Romans 8:28) I want to know God so intimately, because of that He moved me to where I wanted to be and He needed me to be within a year. I recently have been adjusting to the few businesses we now have and the blending of the families while dealing with the negativity of the outside world. By His grace and mercy with me I am still standing and alive. Today I was deeply seeded with feelings and thought that what I feel now and what I am dealing with is to prep me for the task He has assigned me for my future. Moses had to live in the wilderness of the desert and learn how to survive first before he could lead a population through it. (Exodus 2:1-15) The faster you understand there is absolutely nothing you can do to be good enough or to “make” God do the thing you are praying for, the faster you’ll see Him taking you from where you are to where you never thought you’d be. Trust Him fully to not worry or have fear. This is piggy backing off what I was saying yesterday. Obey Him when you hear Him or discern His will. I lost many years of my life that I wish I could take back and give to Him. This life is so much better. I mean a thrill and joy and excitement beyond any amount of partying a person can have. Never feeling alone or unloved, even when you have been pushed to breaking point and sitting in your walk in closet bursting into a hard cry because you know the gravity of what you just had to do to fight for your family and their equality. Or that one time you where fully aware that you where overdosed and had to pray to God your heart didn’t explode. Guys I’m telling you I have pretty much been through it all. Not once did God ever leave me, He was merciful enough to not let me die that way. For sure would have not been in Heaven. He loved me enough to pick me up and clean me off and give me value and meaning and most of all PURPOSE. I am going to do something I have never done before. I am going to give all of you my email address. I encourage you guys to ask me questions about Jesus, just have conversations, if you just need to talk, to ask for prayers, etc. My email is PerfectPersonForTheJob@gmail.com I look forward to connecting with you guys!!!
My family and I have been really digging into the ministries of Creflo and Taffi Dollar. Today, as we were watching via online streaming connected to our big screen tv. I was reminded of something that Shane instilled in me in so many ways. Fearlessness!!! Pastor Dollar has been working on a series of spiritual blindness. Now as I can say much on the topic and relay all I understand and know about it, I will keep it simple. Fear is the only foothold the enemy has so he can enter your life. Fear is what holds you and binds you to your sickness, poverty, anger, depression, etc. In the words of Pastor Creflo Dollar,” Fear brings hopelessness, fear will contaminate your faith.” See the biggest take away I have ever gained from anyone who has ever ministered or fed me was the absolute fearlessness Shane instilled. Knowledge is the key. Ignorance to the Word of God means you will acquire a very large debt to the enemy. I like to use the speeding example. If you are pulled over for speeding and you tell the cop you never saw the sign does that stop the officer from giving you a ticket? The answer to that is no, you still get a ticket and you learn the lesson. (Hosea 4:6, Matthew 22:29) We parish because we do not gain understanding and knowledge of God’s Word. One thing I admire still to this day is Shane’s absolute fearlessness when it comes to the promises of God. I can say that when it comes to finding jobs or relationships I am pretty fearless. The trust I have in God far out ways the fear of being penniless or with no relationship, etc. GOD IS GREATER than ALL THINGS!!
God is an awesome God, He reigns over Heaven and earth with wisdom, power, and love. Our God is am awesome God!!
I lay here tired but can’t sleep. This my nightly fight. Waiting for sleep to befriend me. As I lay in the dark, my eyes sting with exhaustion, I pray with an overwhelmed heart, brimming with humbled thanks to Jesus. I am so thankful for my life, my children, my man, and for the many many blessings of God. Every night I feel just how small I am on this earth yet just how much God’s love abounds in my life. I daily fight my flesh. The last few weeks I’ve been fighting off infection and have been quite sluggish and lazy. It was yesterday that I realized that this was a sneaky attack of the enemy slowing the progress of my business and shadowing my leadership. Yet every night, I lay awake in my mind as my physical body is beyond tired thinking about the wondrous and glorious blessings and gifts God has given me. The thing I learned the most from Shane’s death was that time is the most valued commodity we have. God is so good that He allows me to breath, for my heart to beat, and gives me sound mind. My children are safe, alive, and well. My Husband to be its absolutely amazing. God has blessed me with things I sought after and more. I recognize that I am with His favor to even live in this Era or even with this freedom to own a business that is centered around Him. Helping as many ppl as I can save and make money from home. God is in every fiber of my life the good and bad. Yet, nothing is truly bad for a child of God. God took what was tragic and flipped it into something even greater than I ever thought possible. When I think back over my lifetime I can clearly see Him guiding and leading the steps of life even in the valley’s.
Ok so missing the mark, what exactly does that mean? There is something I say frequently,” Off by a millimeter off by a mile!” I’ve written in depth the meaning of this. To wrap it up in a nutshell it’s a golfing term. If you hit the ball even the slightest but on the right or left the trajectory of the ball will be off by miles even from the destination of the hole. It’s all about angles and positioning. one of my favorite examples of this was a sermon I heard about fear. This highly elaborate and excited pastor was identifying fear. Well first what is fear? Fear is the OPPOSITE of Faith. (Pslam 56:3 ,23:4,27:1, 118:6, Ephesians 2:8-9, 2 Tim 1:7, Romans 10:27, 1 Corinth 10:13, Philip 4:6-7) All of these go into details about fear and Faith. To hit a mark we first must know what the mark is. As a Christian the “mark” is always Jesus and the Kingdom of God. Therefore, we must have correct doctrine. As this pastor proceeded with his energized sermon few things were pointed out by the Holy Spirit.
- he only acknowledge worldly fears
- he never touched scriptures about not having fear
- avoided the response when asking the congregation what they fear “stepping out of the will of God”
- didn’t once lead the congregation to the Jesus and why He died on the cross.
(Matthew 11:27, 28:18, Ephes 1:21, Coloss 2:10, John 17:2 go into depth about the authority given to us. )
This very energetic pastor was literally running around the church yelling with excitement holding the mic to random people in the audience asking their fears. Basic things came up; heights, bugs, reptiles, etc. I at this point had a very solid fearless mentor and my only response was fear God. Fear what not following Him will do to you. This was ignored. Yet the girl next to me stated spiders. this girl was his disciple for over 10 years. She followed his every word and command. He addressed her comment on the spot stating,” Not if your with me your not!” WAIT!!! She has been under your wing for 10 years and you didn’t know this fear of spiders of hers? She isn’t cured yet from it?
At this point the Holy Spirit had me squirming in my seat. I was uncomfortable. God will let you know when something isn’t right even if it sounds holy and imitates God’s Word. We aren’t supposed to FEAR. I mean we are human and we will have fear but it is to be fleeting. You cannot trust in God and be afraid of anything other than Him at the same time!!! See how easily we as Christians can be swayed away from Jesus? Can be a heartbeat and we forgot who God is. (Psalm 118:6) WHO shall I fear, if God is with me? I should fear no person!! I was reminded about how we as people are afraid of those in authority or of what people might say or think. If anything said or done is out for the will of God or His Word you must stand up, speak up, or disagree. To the response of the fear of bugs. internally I was stricken almost with disgust, SERIOUSLY? God SHUT THE MOUTHS of LIONS for Daniel. There is NO animal or insect God didn’t create. He has control and command of them all. So do you! I’m not saying deliberately place yourself in harms way. If you aren’t acting in the name and of the will of Jesus you simple are placing yourself in a compromising position. Yet still God will always have your best interest. How could someone be afraid of a thing yet not expect God to be with you. God is always bigger than your fears!!
Ok, well lets take this to another level. If you saw a demon would you run? I mean now a days satan has become harder to identify. People aren’t climbing walls and spinning heads most of the time. They just lie, steal, kill, cheat, etc. In the event you physically saw the appearance of a demon how would you be? No lie I would have to quickly get over my fear, because that is the first point of control of satan. To make you afraid so you lose Faith in God. I haven’t encountered this situation yet either. Now we are talking about the POWER of God. A foundation scripture for me is Luke 10:19 – Behold, I give unto you POWER to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over ALL the power of the enemy: AND NOTHING shall by ANY MEANS hurt you. Jesus Himself gives us this authority to bend satan to the Will of God. The only fear you can ever truly justify is the fear of God.
As the sermon was wrapped up, he has someone that had a fear of heights climb a ladder. I’m not sure what this proved or showed. This was the last sermon I ever sat through by this pastor. He missed the mark entirely!!! By missing the mark it proved his intent, the intention wasn’t to lead others to Jesus but to showboat himself as a pastoral leader.
JESUS, His Blood and WHY He died on the cross is the mark. Every stripe of on the back of Jesus is for everything that puts us in fear. One for Sickness, one for loneliness, one for depression, one for anxiety, etc. Ultimately, He dies on the cross, and we are never again to fear death. All of these things are taken care of and payed for by the Blood of Christ. He was the Perfect Sacrifice. By His Blood we are given the Holy Spirit. Jesus took fear and nailed it to the cross saying to us NO MORE!!! IT IS FINISHED!! We were given the authority OVER ALL THINGS.
Correct or incorrect doctrine? Besides being completely incorrect in his message he was totally missing the mark. Point all things to Jesus and the Cross. This brings me back to this….. off by a millimeter off by a mile. Somewhere in the beginning of his walk with Christ something was just a little bit off. Now, years later, he was way off by miles. This is why we are to ask, seek and knock for WISDOM and DISCERNMENT. You need to study the Word of God to be approved. Knowing the Word and knowing WHO GOD IS. Through that is how the Holy Spirit can let you know the TRUTH. Really take note when you allow the spirit of fear to feed you. Overcome it with Faith that no matter what the fear is God trumps it all.
As I lay here and can’t sleep, I scroll through the Web reading on stars who died without media recognition, stupid mindless droning crap. Then God gives me a thought, ” why am I wasting my time?” I hate when I do that. I hate when I realize just how far from God’s plan I am by wasting my time on matterless affairs.I should be studying His Word or researching how to complete the assignment given. That’s why I don’t waste time anymore on trying to a DEFEND God’s Word, I don’t have to. I don’t have to prove to anyone He is real, God will do that Himself. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing of the Word. Speak truth to others no matter how they might feel about it. Because you don’t have TIME to keep letting them believe lies. We are out of time guys to beat around the bush and sugar coat things or be to scared to hurt feelings. Plant the seeds, water the seeds… all you can do. You can’t change a person only Jesus can. You can only lead by example and tell others of the amazing love of Jesus Christ. Be direct! If they cry they cry … if they get angry they get angry. … to tell someone of the Good News, to spread the Gospel of Jesus …… well feel your feelings and then move past it… truth hurts, it sucks, and it reveals intention. Stop with getting caught up in how others act, think, or speak….. YOU speak life and truth, YOU act like Jesus did (states to BE LIKE Jesus), and YOU control your thought process by feeding your spirit knowledge of the a word of God. Seek HIM. It’s not the words in the pages that makes you a Christian is how well you have a relationship with Him that makes you a true follower of Christ.
So I wanted to dig a bit deeper into relationships. I SAY THIS OUT OF LOVE! ! As iron sharpens iron.(Proverbs 27:17) I’ve gone through enough stuff in my past 3 relationships spanning just about 15 yrs…. learning and growing each time with Jesus. Watching my parents fall apart and now recognizing traits in both the female and male roles played out first hand around me. First to clarify I AM NOT PERFECT. I will protect and defend my guy to no end and yet I will be argumentative at times, I do have trouble with full submission, etc. I’m a handful. From Part 1, it is clear that there is an action that causes a reaction. Wife first has respect and submit to the husband before she receives unconditional love. I have encountered woman that have everything wrong totally. Married and not having sex with their husbands. UMMMM excuse me, I don’t know who you think you are but your body doesn’t belong to you. Married and not catering to their husband. Not doing his laundry or cooking …. even turning down dates. Do you know what this spoiled brat, selfish, self-centered, bigotry does to your husband? To your marriage? What about never supporting him? Never helping him? Never being there for him? Comparing and complaining? You are punching holes in who he is as a man. Proverbs 25:24 & 21:9 state that it is better to live outside of the house on a corner of a roof than in a house with a nagging wife. OUTSIDE…. ON A ROOF…subject to the weather and lack of comfort than to even see you inside a spacious house and deal with you as a nagging complaining wife. Why would he stay with you ladies? I’m all about being a strong woman, and standing for something and what I believe in…. and no lie I struggle with OBEDIENCE… Do ALL THINGS as if unto the Lord (Ephesians 6:7, Colos. 3:23) ladies you are specifically instructed to treat your husbands as it is fit unto God. (Colos.3:18) It starts with YOU WIVES. Most girls today are defiant, demanding, self serving, self centered,spoiled brats…. including myself. Expecting a husband to do what we say, know what we’re thinking, give us all his time and never work yet be the provider of the family. I’ve literally watched a chick (I can’t bring myself to call her a woman or even a lady) be a two timing, fake as can be, ill intentioned, back stabbing wife and never (as far as I know) cheat on her husband and go to church and “pray for answers”. Then when he finally took a stand and said enough, she plays a victim.WHAAAT IS YOUR MALFUNCTION LITTLE GIRL?!? You can’t not touch your husband for years and think he’ll sick around. You can’t not ask him how his day was or help him with things so that he can give you more family time that you’ve been asking for. You can’t not clean the flipping house and expect him to rub your back. SERIOUSLY…. ladies… if you don’t think that catering and tending to your husband and putting him BEFORE your kids is an ABSOLUTE COMMAND from God then leave. No questions, no problems, no attachment just pack your crap and leave. Your A terrible example to your kids and to others and the world that knows you of what a good wife and woman is. If this offends you then you don’t know Jesus, period. If you aren’t in total agreement with me then you’re not reading the Word and therefore not in agreement with God. Is a hard pill to swallow and we choke on it almost every time…. pill called TRUTH. We allow pride and arrogance to consume us. The most selfish thing in the world is play victim. OHHHH MY MAN LEFT ME. … OHHHH HE WAS NO GOOD. … OHHHH HE BROKE HIS PROMISES/VOWS….. my response is STUPID IT’S YOUR FAULT.(this isn’t the case for every relationship, if he beats you, cheats on you, talks down to you, scares you, belittles you, etc… his fault totally leave and if applicable have him arrested) Your husband didn’t marry you for you to try, or to accomplish demasculine him. For you to literally break the bank, the house,and your marriage. Through sickness and health, unless you have a psychological meltdown and need Dr’s to help heal your mental status, no forms of 2 faced actions fall under this. Talking bad about your husband and never to him is not a form of sickness covered under the vows of marriage. For richer or poorer, this doesn’t mean if you never work and max out the credit cards. This doesn’t mean disregard the budget. This doesn’t mean act stupid when he asks you to stick to one. First question is are you working? Are you helping him to reach financial goals? If all your doing is complaining about it #norespect! For better or worse, if he lost his job and you lost everything (house, car, food,etc) you stick with him and support him. Help him and bring him peace not strife. If you are an added stress you bring every type of evil to him and to your marriage. (James 3:16,Roman 1:29) Ladies, I have my own struggles with this as well. I knew well enough to recognize it and take it to Jesus, go back and at least try and make it right. Can’t take back something you’ve already put out… can only try to make it right and work on your problems with Jesus for the future. Get ready ladies. … part 3 is coming soon.
What are you waiting for?
Isaiah 58:11 – 12 (KJV)
11 And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not. 12 And they that shall be of thee shall build the old waste places: thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generations; and thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in.
I feel this this pull, God reminding me at every corner how my calling is for Him. I love Him so much. I am not sure how you guys feel about christian dubstep / house music but it is pretty awesome. I am HUGE HUGE music person. I have trained to sing and dance since I was 4. God will use these talents one day soon. (1 Peter 4:10) I find myself falling in love with Jesus over and over again. Remember that we are the BRIDE of Christ. there is a ROMANCE that transpires. (Gen. 28:10-22, Exod. 3:1-17, John 21:15, John1:29, Ephis. 5:27) God is so AMAZING guys. You can’t tell me there is no water in a pool I’m already swimming in. He continually is lifting me up when I feel abandoned and unsure. With my business and in my life I have been overlooking the progress and being thankful for what is happening. Feeling like I need to be farther, and do more, and have faster results, etc. The fact that I am so selfish is so disheartening. How can I even be so ungrateful to my God? I love the romance I have with Jesus. Like my husband he ensures and encourages. Like my best friend He defends me, and lifts me up. Like my lover, He wraps around me and tenderly loves unconditionally. Being my God, He commands my life and graciously shows me how much I need Him every second of every day. Have you ever been so absorbed into something others called you obsessed? I have…Be obsessed with Jesus. Out of all the things I have been told I am “obsessed” with my favorite is JESUS. hahaha from fitness, to business….. my truest obsession is God. As I follow His path for my life, I have found so much happiness at the purest submission to God. Standing my ground even when I have oppressors and nay sayers. Jesus is who defines me, guides me and instructs my life. THANK GOD!!! Blinded by the light (Acts 9:1-19) now I can SEE for real!