It’s been a few days since I posted an original writing. I have been conflicted with so many messages and topics I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t want to get too heavy or deep (but trust me that will come). Messages God has giving me, and other messages through just breathing and living. I struggled today. I woke up immediately in a mood, I didn’t want to get up, the kids were really under my skin, etc. Even when I recognized that I had a problem I couldn’t shake it. It hit me when I was finally alone that this was back to grieving. I missed Shane, I wanted to talk to him, I wanted him to tell me what to do about other situations, to guide me in the ways of God, help me. Not having him hit me again. Ever be in a crowd of people and feel the most alone you’ve ever felt? That was me this morning. I took the kids and dropped them at a friends church with them. I honestly had no intention of going to a church today bc Shane was the only one I ever met that was like me. I was seeking the Truth and correct doctrine and he taught it to me. I by all means don’t know everything, I don’t know much in comparison to Shane, or a few others. But what I do know is Powerful and correct. How can I say this? Because it’s written in the Word of God, what I share. So I put on worship music and turn it up on max, and just start driving. Thinking I’ll just go to a Starbucks and put on my headphones and get a Word from looking up particular people I know are correct in doctrine. I found myself driving to a church an hour away. A pastor I know from a previous church. By b the time I got there I was already just crying and broken…. humbled before God in thanksgiving after praising through my thoughts and feelings. WORSHIP IS POWERFUL. Holy Spirit fell onto everyone at the church, during the worship songs. Few things tied me to the lyrics, like something I said the very first time I spoke in tongues. Now for those of you who don’t know, I am NOT Spanish. I am Hawaiian. My Spanish is mediocre at best. The pastor started praying in Spanish mixed with at moments and tongues interjected….. but basically super fast Spanish. Yet I understood every word. That is only done by Holy Spirit. I’m really praying about if this is to be my home church. Hopefully, I’ll have an answer soon. I’m hoping the answer I think I got might be wrong so now I pray for clarification. I was reminded of how God knows everything you’re going through. Even when you don’t realize it yourself. And just how much I need Him and seek Him in my life. Needless to say, it’s been a roller coaster of emotions today. I have so much more to write, but currently I’m too tired to go through it. God is always on time. Never before time or late. …. He is perfect and is always perfect in timing. So tomorrow perhaps.
John 1:12-13 (KJV)
12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:13 Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
When where you saved? Thank God for His Faithfulness and Forgiveness.
I was saved at the age of 20, officially! I have always known of God and Him with me, I choose to be “all in” at 20. God set me apart from everyone all my life.
Dear God I come to You in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank You Lord for Your love and salvation. For Your mercy and grace, God. All honor, praise, and worship goes to You God, goes to You Jesus. Who am I? I am nothing without You God. Thank You for loving me. Thank You Jesus for covering me with Your Blood and making me whiter than snow. Thank You Father God for Shane H. Barnes and our relationship. Thank You for holding us together when we were under fire and barely hanging on. Father I ask for Your wisdom, discernment, understanding, patience, and love. God, I want You! I want to know Your Word, Your Power, so intensely in my life for Your glory. (Matthew 22:29) Psalms 19:11 Jesus give Your angels charge over me and my life, over my kids and their lives, over family and friends. I love You Father, I love You Jesus! All these things I ask and seek in the name of Jesus Christ. AMEN
1 Thessalonians 4 : 13 -14
13 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.
Have you dealt with the loss of a loved one? Have you moved forward? Do you have hope? How do you know God is bringing you hope to your life if you’ve lost a loved one or not?
Losing Shane was such a shock. The pain was too much to bare. God has given me a peace that surpasses all understanding. I hurt everyday. I have joy every day. I miss him so much. I am now after God, seeking Him so fiercely the way Shane taught me.
God I come to You in the name of Jesus. I thank You God for the days you have given me with Shane. I ask You to be with me. I seek to know You the way Shane did.God come to me. Hear my prayers, my cries, God guide me. Show my next step. You are the lantern to our feet and guide our path. Father, please use me in ways I can’t even imagine for Your Glory. God I ask for understanding, wisdom, and discernment in the name of Jesus. God I want to know Your Power in my life the way you used Shane. Holy Spirit filled. God slay me in the Spirit. I love You Jesus. I love you Father God. ALL Glory, Honor, Praise, Worship goes to You Jesus, goes to You God. Thank You, thank You!! AMEN.
Psalm 50:1-3 King James Version (KJV)
50 The mighty God, even the Lord, hath spoken, and called the earth from the rising of the sun unto the going down thereof.2 Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God hath shined.3 Our God shall come, and shall not keep silence: a fire shall devour before him, and it shall be very tempestuous round about him.
So the journal entry this day was to write about what the most difficult challenges are going on right now in your life.
- Shane passing
- needing to move
- What now in life
- Financial prosperity
- Finding alone time to be with God and in His Word
What are some of your greatest blessings?
- My kids
- having a decent job
- The teachings of Shane
- The people God placed in my life
- Gaining understanding and wisdom
Then I was to pray asking for peace and thankful for my blessings. I am a FIRM believer in physically WRITING things down (again another Shane teaching). I have written everything daily including prayers.
Dear Heavenly Father I come to You in the Holy and Righteous name of Jesus Christ. I ask God, that You show me how my blessings from You can bring hope and light and life back into my life. Please, Father, bring me Grace to face the world at Your side. Father, I ask You to draw close to me as I draw closer to You Lord. I ask in Your son’s name Jesus, that You give me understanding, wisdom,discernment, and knowledge of Your POWER. Like You did with Shane. God, You called him friend, like You did Moses, and used his life to show Your Glory, Mercy, Love, and Righteousness. I seek this same relationship with You Jesus. I seek this same closeness with You God. Thank You Lord for Your many and great blessings in my life. I pray these things in the name of Jesus. AMEN!