I wanted to share something with you guys. It sometimes takes drastic things to remind us why we do what we do. See I’ve been pretty lax lately on just about everything. My business mostly. My desire to want more for others than they want for themselves got the best of me. The continuous let down as I began working with people to achieve their level of success and they run at the first hint of effort they have to apply. I selfishly let them drag me down to a place of just taking a step back. Yesterday, I saw a recording from a home security camera. This message was to remember that pool flotation devices can and will drown unattended toddlers. Images like these get seared into my very soul. I started my business to help people rise above every limitation yes, but the main goal is to bring up safe havens and other non profits for battered and abused children. That being said, this clip was the longest 4 minutes of my life. I’ve unwilling cried over this just at the thought. A toddler, maybe 3 years old, was in a round baby float in a small pool. The grandma got up and went inside the door for just a few minutes. During this time the toddler flips and is now stuck in the tube upside-down under water. All I can see in my mind is his panic and then how quickly his little legs just stopped. And all I want to do is jump through the screen and grab him. I cling to my kids, I am patient with them and I most definitely see things differently sometimes. I’m reminded so vividly that I’m building wealth not just for me or my family. I’m not just trying to help others succeed or change their entire family history. I do it to build something that I can stand solidly on while I am also able to help as many children as I can live a life. To know love and care and good. All I ever wanted to be a wife and a mom. God took that and said be a mother to the motherless. Protect those who can’t fight back. Show love to the ones who think they are unlovable just for breathing and being born. I don’t think I’ll ever be fully ready. I’m not sure my mind and heart can handle what I feel God’s saying. But I have no choice but to succeed, because there are kids out there counting on me to do so.
I am going to share with you something that I have felt God calling me to do but it has not be the right timing. Today was a big day. I broke. First time in a very long time I broke into such a rage that the body tremors lasted almost half a day. God made me very different than my family. Like most of the population I came from what would be considered a “broken home”. Divorced parents and of course each of them having their crazy to deal with. We all have our faults, I found no reason to speak about them. As I get older and the more I know and understand God the more I see. The more you see the more you understand. The more you understand your tolerance level for BS you take. my first conversation with God was at the age of 4. I would sneak off into the second living room we had and just talk with Him for hours. Once taking the pennies I had and holding them up to ceiling telling Him to take it. Not realizing that what I was doing was Biblical. I was more open to Him at the age of 4 than anyone else in my family combined. Over the years I have strayed and come back to Jesus as different milestones happened. My parents divorce made me the most committed to the church I was attending until I started dating my ex husband whom had literally forced me to choose between him and God at one point. I fell away from God for many years to find my life empty and meaningless. A brand new baby and move to Texas and I came running back to God with tenacity and famished hunger. I divorced my ex husband and slipped up here and there but you can never un-know things. By this point, I could never not hear God I could only choose whether to obey Him or not. So 1 surprise pregnancy at the same time of a bad break up and I choose to become extremely devoted to Him once again. A series of divine events took place. I randomly met Shane, I had a string of jobs each better than the last, my first and worst car accident where I was at fault quickly followed by a second. My newest chiropractor hired me on the spot as he was adjusting me from my accident. Shane taught me so much but he was battling his own demons and God brought him home sooner rather than later. Soon after I met my now fiance who was a patient in the Dr. office I was managing. At first he was my business partner and closest mentor, then it developed into us being inseparable. There hasn’t been a day since we started this adventure where we haven’t been together. The more you seek Him and understand Him the faster He moves in your life. This is so crazy, My original content of this post was entirely something else, this must be for someone reading this. I was going to explain what happened today to cause me to break but God wanted something else to come out. When you understand that you as a human can never ever be good enough to deserve God to be good to you, and you accept Him for the almighty God He is, then will you see just how quickly He moves on your behalf. Even if it seems bad at the time. (Romans 8:28) I want to know God so intimately, because of that He moved me to where I wanted to be and He needed me to be within a year. I recently have been adjusting to the few businesses we now have and the blending of the families while dealing with the negativity of the outside world. By His grace and mercy with me I am still standing and alive. Today I was deeply seeded with feelings and thought that what I feel now and what I am dealing with is to prep me for the task He has assigned me for my future. Moses had to live in the wilderness of the desert and learn how to survive first before he could lead a population through it. (Exodus 2:1-15) The faster you understand there is absolutely nothing you can do to be good enough or to “make” God do the thing you are praying for, the faster you’ll see Him taking you from where you are to where you never thought you’d be. Trust Him fully to not worry or have fear. This is piggy backing off what I was saying yesterday. Obey Him when you hear Him or discern His will. I lost many years of my life that I wish I could take back and give to Him. This life is so much better. I mean a thrill and joy and excitement beyond any amount of partying a person can have. Never feeling alone or unloved, even when you have been pushed to breaking point and sitting in your walk in closet bursting into a hard cry because you know the gravity of what you just had to do to fight for your family and their equality. Or that one time you where fully aware that you where overdosed and had to pray to God your heart didn’t explode. Guys I’m telling you I have pretty much been through it all. Not once did God ever leave me, He was merciful enough to not let me die that way. For sure would have not been in Heaven. He loved me enough to pick me up and clean me off and give me value and meaning and most of all PURPOSE. I am going to do something I have never done before. I am going to give all of you my email address. I encourage you guys to ask me questions about Jesus, just have conversations, if you just need to talk, to ask for prayers, etc. My email is PerfectPersonForTheJob@gmail.com I look forward to connecting with you guys!!!
My family and I have been really digging into the ministries of Creflo and Taffi Dollar. Today, as we were watching via online streaming connected to our big screen tv. I was reminded of something that Shane instilled in me in so many ways. Fearlessness!!! Pastor Dollar has been working on a series of spiritual blindness. Now as I can say much on the topic and relay all I understand and know about it, I will keep it simple. Fear is the only foothold the enemy has so he can enter your life. Fear is what holds you and binds you to your sickness, poverty, anger, depression, etc. In the words of Pastor Creflo Dollar,” Fear brings hopelessness, fear will contaminate your faith.” See the biggest take away I have ever gained from anyone who has ever ministered or fed me was the absolute fearlessness Shane instilled. Knowledge is the key. Ignorance to the Word of God means you will acquire a very large debt to the enemy. I like to use the speeding example. If you are pulled over for speeding and you tell the cop you never saw the sign does that stop the officer from giving you a ticket? The answer to that is no, you still get a ticket and you learn the lesson. (Hosea 4:6, Matthew 22:29) We parish because we do not gain understanding and knowledge of God’s Word. One thing I admire still to this day is Shane’s absolute fearlessness when it comes to the promises of God. I can say that when it comes to finding jobs or relationships I am pretty fearless. The trust I have in God far out ways the fear of being penniless or with no relationship, etc. GOD IS GREATER than ALL THINGS!!
My thoughts at this time is consuming. You know one of the slick ways the enemy throws you from your path and hinders your blessing is by complacency. That mentality of ” I worked so hard I deserve a break”. You take take that break and all of a sudden that 5 minutes turn to 1 hour, that hour into half a day, then to full days, and then weeks, so on and so forth. This happens until you have to start all over again. Until everything you worked so hard for slipped through your fingers and you are back to square 1. That is an exhausting life. Don’t you ever get tired of not accomplishing your goals? I do 100%!! Just because I’m writing this doesn’t absolve me from this ever happening. If you aren’t going forward then you are falling backwards. End of story!! Complacent and lazy go hand in hand followed abruptly by fear. Yes, I said FEAR! All of a sudden reality smacks you awake even though your eyes were open. When you realize your back at the bottom and you have to fight that fight again. When you have to go through the muck and the junk and people who use your temporary back slide to remind you that you should stop trying, you should stay down, you should quit bc you can’t seem to follow through with the dream and goal you told everyone you were going to do. You only have 2 options. MOVE or BE MOVED. It all lands on you. Fear will grip you like a vice and hold you in your stagnant complacent fall. Guess what? If you do not make a conscious choice to get out of that fear, to break those lazy habits you formed, to step out of complacency every day you slide further away then even your original starting point. Years will go by wasted. For most people they lose lifetimes never really living they way they want to live or doing what they want to do. It’s black and white with not even the slightest bit of gray. You’re either moving forward or sliding backwards. The choice is only yours to make.
God is an awesome God, He reigns over Heaven and earth with wisdom, power, and love. Our God is am awesome God!!
I lay here tired but can’t sleep. This my nightly fight. Waiting for sleep to befriend me. As I lay in the dark, my eyes sting with exhaustion, I pray with an overwhelmed heart, brimming with humbled thanks to Jesus. I am so thankful for my life, my children, my man, and for the many many blessings of God. Every night I feel just how small I am on this earth yet just how much God’s love abounds in my life. I daily fight my flesh. The last few weeks I’ve been fighting off infection and have been quite sluggish and lazy. It was yesterday that I realized that this was a sneaky attack of the enemy slowing the progress of my business and shadowing my leadership. Yet every night, I lay awake in my mind as my physical body is beyond tired thinking about the wondrous and glorious blessings and gifts God has given me. The thing I learned the most from Shane’s death was that time is the most valued commodity we have. God is so good that He allows me to breath, for my heart to beat, and gives me sound mind. My children are safe, alive, and well. My Husband to be its absolutely amazing. God has blessed me with things I sought after and more. I recognize that I am with His favor to even live in this Era or even with this freedom to own a business that is centered around Him. Helping as many ppl as I can save and make money from home. God is in every fiber of my life the good and bad. Yet, nothing is truly bad for a child of God. God took what was tragic and flipped it into something even greater than I ever thought possible. When I think back over my lifetime I can clearly see Him guiding and leading the steps of life even in the valley’s.