Right Where You Are

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It’s been a few days since I posted an original writing.  I have been conflicted with so many messages and topics I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t want to get too heavy or deep (but trust me that will come). Messages God has giving me, and other messages through just breathing and living. I struggled  today.  I woke up immediately  in a mood, I didn’t want to get up, the kids were really under my skin, etc. Even when I recognized  that I had a problem I couldn’t shake it. It hit me when I was finally alone that this was back to grieving. I missed Shane, I wanted to talk to him,  I wanted him to tell me what to do about other situations,  to guide me in the ways of God, help me.  Not having him hit me again. Ever be in a crowd of people and feel the most alone you’ve ever felt? That was me this morning. I took the kids and dropped them at a friends church with them.  I honestly had no intention of going to a church today bc Shane was the only one I ever met that was like me. I was seeking the Truth and correct doctrine and he taught it to me.  I by all means don’t know everything,  I don’t know much in comparison to Shane, or a few others. But what I do know is Powerful and correct.  How can I say this?  Because it’s written in the Word of God, what I share. So I put on worship music and turn it up on max, and just start driving.  Thinking I’ll just go to a Starbucks and put on my headphones and get a Word from looking up particular  people I know are correct in doctrine. I found myself driving to a church an hour away. A pastor I know from a previous church. By b the time I  got there I was already just crying and broken…. humbled before God in thanksgiving after praising through my thoughts and feelings. WORSHIP IS POWERFUL. Holy Spirit fell onto everyone at the church, during the worship songs. Few things tied me to the lyrics, like something I said the very first time I spoke in tongues. Now for those of you who don’t know,  I am NOT Spanish. I am Hawaiian. My Spanish is mediocre at best. The pastor started praying in Spanish mixed with at moments and tongues interjected….. but basically super fast Spanish. Yet I understood every word.  That is only done by Holy Spirit. I’m really  praying about if this is to be my home church.  Hopefully,  I’ll have an  answer soon.  I’m hoping the answer I think I got might be wrong so now I pray for clarification. I was reminded of how God knows everything you’re going through. Even when you don’t realize it yourself. And just how much I need Him and seek Him in my life.  Needless to say,  it’s been a roller coaster of emotions today. I have so much more to write, but currently I’m too tired to go through it.  God is always on time. Never before time or late. …. He is perfect and is always perfect in timing. So tomorrow perhaps.

~AM~

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